Hate them
or love them but in laws are a part of every married person’s life! The lucky
ones say they are the best things that have happened to them while the not so
lucky curse the day they came into their life. But one thing remains constant -
living with in-laws comes with tension! But must they always be that menace
that every couple dreads? Several not so good tales have been said about encounters
with in laws. My friend one night came home to one of his wife’s sister’s
nakedness – legs apart - on the sitting room couch. The wife no doubt had
already slept off oblivious of her sister’s mischief. And what did he man do I
am sure is the question everyone is dying to ask. Well, he walked past her,
woke his wife up and asked her to go to the living room and tell her sister to
go to bed. After that incident, she was asked to leave the house.
Picture this: Your mother-in-law is in
the evening of her life, weary and cannot manage living alone anymore. Well,
her condition might not be too bad as to cause alarm, but your husband is her
son so it is enough to worry him especially because she lives a bit far from
you and you can’t do constant monitoring. So your husband keeps making
sympathetic comments about her and hints on her moving in but you are not
giving any straight answer, why, because you are worried to bits. Now, you are
thinking – God how do I live with my mother-in-law?
Most women
(married) will reveal that they love their mother-in-laws but will also state
that they dread them for being bossy sometimes. Some never want them in their
homes because they order them to make changes as they wish in their homes. How
to take good care of their children (grandchildren), how to take care of their
hubby’s (son), how to cook their son’s favourite food the list goes on. A story
is told of a mother-in-law who after accusing her daughter-in-law of starving
the child fed him to his death. She forced the child to drink porridge using
her palm and instead of the throat the porridge was making its way into the
windpipe. The kid died!
One mother who prefers anonymity laments:
“I love my mother-in-law, problem is, that she is unnecessarily bossy at times.
When we are at her house, she feeds the kids till they are too full and
then she insists they eat more. Then eventually they suffer indigestion.”
But it is not just the mother-in-law
that can be a headache. Even those little brats — your sisters/brothers-in-law
— who might still be in secondary school and much younger than you or are even
under your care - can be too stressing. After all you are their brother’s wife,
so what the hell.
Suzan, an accountant who stays at
her elder brother’s home has a different story to tell. She says her experience
has taught her not to intervene in a couple’s affairs in order not to be
misinterpreted by her sister-in-law. She only does when the two request her
opinion, otherwise she says, you end up becoming the bad one when you didn’t
have any ill-intentions at all. Because of this, she says she has stayed with
her sister-in-law for five years without much of a hustle. “I respect my
sister-in-law and she respects me as her husband’s sister. Though we are not so
much of friends, we at least get along.”
How to
tame them
When you find yourself in a
situation where you have to live with your in-laws, it is not healthy to
interfere in the issues concerning the home that is now your host. They say
silence is golden and indeed it is when it comes to taming your in-laws. Do not
try to interfere in their affairs as they will most likely call that
familiarity. When you are angered show love but do not give them the
opportunity to keep angering you. Show your worth too, because that marriage
started in their presence, if they deserved your position, they should have
been in it.
Verdict
A man or woman marries one person
from a family and not the whole clan and a relationship is for two people who
actually become one after the formal marriage ceremony. Christians believe
that there is no room for a third party in a marriage. The Bible is
particularly clear on this - that a man shall leave his father’s home and join
a woman and together they will become one. It is therefore not erroneous for
you to stand up for your partner in case of in-law issues.
It’s also important to note that people
get married when they are adults meaning they can stand on their own. It
is okay to seek help, say temporary accommodation if you want to seek medical
attention at a clinic nearby, or on a short vacation, but in-laws should otherwise
try by all means to keep away from a couple’s home. In other words let the
couple be; solve their own problems, learn how to run their own home, raise
their own children and manage their finances. If your advice is needed, they
will approach you. Don’t start making decisions for the couple or woman or man
– it’s sacrilegious. Some in-laws even stress couples about the number of
children they should bear as if they will also be involved in the financial
responsibilities. Thus when in-laws are welcomed into a couple’s home, they
should know that the couple is the head of the house (man or woman alike) and deserve
respect.
I also agree that some couples are
not entirely exonerated in this issue. They bring this in-law menace upon
themselves because they refuse to let go of family after marriage. Many feel
that their parents have every right to get involved in their relationship and
even stay with them. They argue that because parents have seen them since
childhood, they should still be part of their married life. And so some
partners impose family on their spouses – this is disastrous! Some guys are
even said to ‘chuck’ girlfriends because they couldn’t measure up to their
parents’ or siblings standards, how absurd! Grow up and start being the man or
woman you should be.
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